Neues Projekt

Hallo zusammen,

Ich weiß, das eine Projekt ist noch nicht einmal fertig, da kann man wohl kaum direkt ein neues anfangen... Doch geht. Seht her:

Letters to David

Introduction

I was raised without a father. Well, I had one, physically, but he wasn’t useful at all. Instead of trying to get along with family and being a role-model, he decided to start extensive long-term research on how alcoholism affects your life and your family. He decided to start “field tests” way before the time I can remember and he is still busy with his examinations…

Growing up without a father is always a bad thing, it is especially bad if you are a boy. There are some question only a man can answer to a boy, same as some girls questions can only be answered by women. The additional problem with my mum was, that she was working quite hard to keep things running and although she tried really hard to get along with us (I have an older brother) it was just too much for one person: Two intelligent and demanding boys growing up, a household to look after and to organize, a useless husband drinking and a shift-based in a hospital. With my knowledge of today, I have no idea of how she managed to survive all this and even made some halfway good people out of me and my brother. My mum is one of the biggest superheroes of all time, just because she never gave up on all this bad surrounding her and kept fighting for the right thing.

When I was a child I was desperate for books. Together with my imagination they were my quick escape from the world and in opposite to todays computer/smartphone based behavior of youngsters, no one criticizes you for reading a book. Further, most people won’t disturb you and start a conversation if you are focused into a book.

I think I was around 10 or 11 when I came across a book with the title “Dad, Charly said that…” It is about a son coming up to his father and starting a conversation, always with the same sentence: “Dad, Charlie said that his father said that…” immediately followed by some keen, contemporary statement (for example: homosexuality, racism, anti-baby-pil). The father immediately started a discussion and tried to explain to his son what this was all about and tried to convince him about his old-fashioned/conservative point of view and the son always fought up against it and the funny thing: the son always won and made the father change his thoughts toward a world-open modern thinking.

It was a good series of book, the stories weren’t too long for a young reader and it was written in easy words even a pre-(teen) could understand. The book had quite an impact on me, mostly because this has been the first time I had put my nose on the fact, that there is no father for me I can ask, I can discuss with or I can just listen to. It was one bitter understanding of my situation, but in the end, I thought, instead of being sad I should deal the best way possible with the situation.

Then, about 15 years later, I met someone, a man beyond his 70ies. We had a conversation and I think this is the first time someone really asked me questions about myself not for the reason of doing conversation, no he was interested in getting to know me and find out who I am and what I am thinking.  Our talks went on and it absolutely confused me, because I was instantly remembered of the book I read years ago.

Our contact went on, we were in the same society and I had the great luck to get to know him and his family. When I saw how he spoke and acted with his grandchildren and doing all this like this was the most normal thing on earth, I became extremely envy (Just to make sure: Envy is when you see something you want to have as well, jealousy is when you want someone else not to have what you see). I was standing there and the only thing I could think about was that I would have killed for just one hour of this relationship. As I have written above, it is bad if you are raised without a father but in that moment I understood that it is even worse if there is someone there who should do it, could do it…and just doesn’t!

I’m thankful for every talk and inspiring discussion I have/had with David and the following texts are some sort of an approach to save both of it for me and anyone who is interested in it.

I liked the idea of the book “Dad, Charly said that…” and the fact that I never had someone I could ask all my questions and now for over 5 years I finally found someone who I can ask.

Simple as that, that is why the texts are called “Letters to David”

Haptain Cook

☛☛☛☛☛☛☛☛☛☛☛☛☛☛

1st Letter to David

About relationships

Dear David,

There is something I don’t understand about relationships.

It might sound a bit blunt and “anti-socialistic” in the first step, but please let me try to explain what I mean…

Why do we have relationships?

If we put emotions aside and just have a look at the facts, we will obviously find no reason. My personal life as an example:

I have a good job, earning more than enough money and I already won the birth lottery.

I’m living in a country where not everything is bright and good, but we could/should be thankful for the ongoing peace, filled stores, a social system providing security, good healthcare, (almost) free education and after all some not so bad landscape. My personal future is a bright one, I will always find work, I’m free to do as I want and I don’t have financial struggles ruling my life. This makes me part of the lucky 1% of the population…

So why ruin all this with a relationship?

Although we always start them with new hope, faith and whatsoever, it always ends up the same way: you’re giving up on you, or at least on parts of you. This is not meant to be related to the “intercourse part”, this is about freedom of choice in general.

When I’m in a relationship I have to harmonize my plans, wishes and actions with my partner. I’m no longer free to do what I desire and in most cases you act according to an agreement that is acceptable for both but it makes no one happy. What a rubbish…

I think I would like to put this to an even bigger picture. It is social behavior in general. Why would someone like that? Every time you interact with people you are giving up your freedom of choice and your freedom of speech just to not hurt their freedom. If you take consideration of their feelings you always have to put back yours. I know, it sounds totally egoistic and in some way it is, but is living by the opposite not a bad thing as well?

Sorry for getting off track, please let me come back to relationships.

In these ‘modern’ times with all the attraction, distraction and environmental influence from all the media and people around us, it is truly hard to stay focused on your personal goals. Speaking of which…what is the goal of a relationship? In the past times, there was a lot about safety and so on. The man went to work, the wife was at home having the hardest job, raising the children and organizing a household, and in the end this was a stable and safe relation. Today, one family member working isn’t enough (thanks for taxes and expenses) or you respect the women emancipation, so you have two adults working, no one doing the household and the child is being deported to daycare. And there the questioning starts…

As written above, we have the luck to live in a stable and safe country, so it is legit to ask if there is still a need for relationships or marriage? If you put in down to the facts, there is none. If someone is planning a family just to give away the children from day 1 (no kidding, there is already daycare for babies below 1 year so that you can start working immediately after birth) they should consider not having children. If a woman in these days loses her relationship, she is not (thank god) rejected by society, losing her job or being something special at all. So the “safety-thought” of relationship is dismissed as well.

Speaking of social acceptance…according to books it has been like a mark for women if they were single after a specific age. Although this is hardly imaginable, this is definitely and thankfully not the case anymore.

Some other reason could be to avoid the feeling of being alone, something everyone dislikes. In our brave new world, no one is alone any more. Everyone is just a smartphone screen away. I know that these aren’t “real friends” but it has never been easier to meet new people, stay in touch or, in short, be with someone.

Thanks to the internet, everything is like a shop; you can find friends, one-night-stands, someone to ask, someone who asks you or whatever you need, you’ll find it.

Although this is only a façade and a lie, it is a beautiful one and it should be big enough to last an entire life.

Avoid being alone can’t be a reason for a relationship any longer…at least it seems that way..

Bottom line: Why would we have serious relationships? Is it just for the feeling? For the feeling of being needed? The feeling of being useful? Or is it just because we have always done it that way?

What point am I missing?

Looking forward to your answer.

Yours

Haptain Cook

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Dear Haptain Cook,

It’s simple: It keeps you warm during the night and makes you happy when you wake up. It completes you, as long as you leave behind the superficial life everyone wants you to live.

As you can’t find all that in the internet and you are in need of a constant happiness in your life, go for a relationship. It is your decision which way you want to go, none of them is wrong.

Looking forward to your next question.

Yours

David